I watched March Madness for the first time two years ago 🏀

For context, I grew up in an NBA-loving household. Game days were family time. We would gather around that old 1990s tv set (I'm pretty sure this is the exact model we had) to cheer and laugh and cry. I learned to love sports by watching them with my family. 

I've been going hard for a long time, yall. From the release of No Unpaid Passengers to the #NUPTour to my WNDR Museum Chicago residency to dozens of interviews, podcasts, speaking engagements, panels, shows & performances - it's been nonstop. I'm also writing, working my education job, and trying to #human in the midst of it all. In short, me the last 9 months:

Wednesday was no exception. Not only did I have a full workday, which included a 4-hr team meeting, but also I had a VIP event Wednesday night. PLUS, the following day, I had an all day work event to prepare for (and a 7:30 a.m. start time). So when my girls picked Wednesday to do happy hour, I was both excited and worried.

I'm at capacity! My calendar is full! ! BUT! ...I also knew I needed this.

When I found myself on a beautiful rooftop in Chicago with sunny 65 degree weather, holding hands, crying, & laughing with 5 of my closest girlfriends, I looked around through my tears and thought: worth it.

Wednesday was healing for my soul. Friendships are so important. We live in a world where it can be easy to get lost in isolation, pain, grief, burnout, or general exhaustion. Your friends, your chosen family, can often be the ones to pull you back in and love you out loud. We need that. And we also deserve that kind of uninhibited love.

As I left the rooftop bar that night to head to my next event, I had the biggest smile. It wasn't just on my face, it was in my heart. I wouldn't always recommend 3 events in one day. But when one of those events is with people who reciprocate your love? Make room where you can. Even in the busiest times, make room for love.

Unapologetically,

Pam

Wish You Were Here is out now! You can listen to it on your streaming platform of choice here.

This song has only been out a little over 24 hours and it already has sparked some deep conversations. I'd like to talk about some of them here. Trigger Warning: Depression.

Depression is a beast. As someone who has been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety, I know this all too well. October was a big, beautiful month for me. My album came out (Call Home is still very fresh and lives at the forefront of my recently played music queues), I did my TED Talk, the album release party was fire. So many wonderful things. Then, outside of me, more beautiful things were happening. My best friends had a baby (hi L'Oreal & Jeff!), we celebrated more birthdays than I can count (I love my Libras & Scorpios for real), and Halloween was LIT. On top of all that, fall is my favorite time of year and October really exemplifies the fall spirit.

Then November 1st came...and I woke up sad. There was no rhyme or reason to it. I had been preparing with my therapist for the potential of a "system crash" after having so many big things happen in October, and yet, when depression came knocking, I simply wasn't ready. I cried every day for a week. I felt myself withdrawing from friends & family. Work was kicking my ass, so that didn't help. Suddenly, all I wanted to do was sleep.

That is the mental state I was in when I wrote "Wish You Were Here." It was my depressed self longing for my "normal" self (which is complicated, I know). I just wanted to be here, to be present, in the fullness of joy that I know I'm capable of...but I just couldn't. When I sang, "This Christmas, all I really want is for you to love me like only you can," I was singing to myself. Depression tries to convince me that I am unlovable. And I know that isn't the truth. I know I am Love, and I know I am Loved. But in my lowest of lows, it's easy to second guess. It took me a bit to get out of that place and step back into my power. But I'm grateful for what November 1st taught me.

Maybe you've been in a similar place with your mental health. Or maybe you're experiencing loneliness. Or self-deprecation. Or seasonal depression. Or maybe you're just in the mood for a good cry. Maybe, you're in a damn good place, actually, and you just wanna vibe (WYWH is an excellent song to vibe to, if I do say so myself 😏). Wherever you find yourself when you read this, I hope you know you are Love and you are Loved. Always. And I hope you enjoy Wish You Were Here. I'm immensely proud of it.

Unapologetically,

Pam

PS - Reviews have started to roll in for #WYWH and I'm in awe!

Our bodies are truly amazing. I'm not sure that we as a society really take the time to appreciate the genius of the human body. Instead, we are constantly bombarded by media telling us how we can be better:

In comes this beautiful feature called focus mode. When I clicked it on my phone, it gave me two options: work time or me time. With both, you still have access to basic things like your messages and call capabilities. But aside from that, you're limited on what you can use. In work time focus mode, you can only use your email and calendar. With me time, you can choose which apps you have access to. I was ecstatic!



When I put my phone in "me time" I only have access to my video apps (Netflix, YouTube, etc), music apps, Kindle app, journal app, and my crossword puzzle app (again, judge not). No checking emails when I'm off work. No calendar updates. And absolutely no social media sites.

To say that using focus mode has drastically improved my quality of life D.C. (during corona) would not be an exaggeration. And putting on DND and focus mode simultaneously? Life-changing. It has gifted me with much-needed rest. And it has taken my screen time way down. I spend fewer hours investing in other people's cyber lives which enables me to focus that energy into my own real life. Sounds simple, but it's been magical. And I got deep into that magic over the last two weeks. DND and focus mode turned into a social media hiatus and sporadic text responses (sorry friends). But the result has been a much more relaxed, happier Pam.

When was the last time you put your phone on DND or focus mode? How do you keep yourself from doom scrolling on social media? Let me know, I'd love to hear from you. And if you're holding onto your social media apps all day everyday like this...



...it might be time for focus mode, sis.

Unapologetically,
Pam

Last week, I did something that scared me...

I went to the chiropractor for the first time! Now, I know for some of yall, that may be nothing. But if you're like me and you've seen videos like this, I'm sure you've always said you'll take a hard pass on hearing your bones crack lol. Nevertheless, when I was talking to a colleague about my upper back pain, she recommended I see her chiropractor. After sitting on the idea for a few months, I took the plunge and set up an appointment.

The result? Well...

I'm so glad I tried something new.

My experience was amazing. The doctor gave me the most thorough, holistic exam that I've ever received from a doctor. I am excited to work with her moving forward. Soon after I went to the chiropractor, I saw this photo with a quote from Auntie Michelle:

When was the last time you tried something new? Could be as simple as trying a new recipe or as big as going to a new country. How did it feel? If you're a creature of habit like me, trying new things can be daunting. But every now and then (i e., when I feel safe mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally) I step out and try something new. 

When I use wisdom and try new things, it pays off.

That new thing you've been thinking of trying? Do it. That new nail shop you want to consider? Try it out. That thing that would be good for you mind, body, soul? Give it a chance. Let's listen to Auntie Michelle, yall. Be encouraged to try something new.

Unapologetically,

Pam

In the midst of all of the sexual assault news, I wanted to share a message of hope and peace today...

But those words didn't come to mind. 

As a survivor, I am sickened by what I have seen and heard. I re-live my experience over and over in an attempt to explain why women should be believed. And I am tired.

In times like these, when we are confronted with the worst parts of our own humanity, it's okay to step away. Log off social media. Go to your quiet place. And find rest and peace.

To all of my fellow survivors, I am sending you Love, Light, and Peace today and always.

Unapologetically,

Pam

Have you ever had to say 'no' to someone you love?

These are typically the times when we most feel that we don't have time to breathe and to take care of ourselves. But in my own life, I have discovered that this is the most important time for me to practice self-care. 

Recently one morning, for example, as I began to dive into my calendar, I immediately felt overwhelmed and behind. In my younger days, I would just sink deep into those feelings and struggle to get things accomplished. As I have grown and become more intentional about my mindfulness practices, I am better able to recognize the emotions and respond proactively. On this day, instead of succumbing to that overwhelming feeling and allowing it to control my mental space which typically leads to me moving about frantically, I scheduled in time for meditation. I took myself away from my desk, I went for a short walk to get my blood flowing. I found a quiet space and I meditated. Every time I do this, no matter how frantic life is moving around me, my world stands still for just a moment. And when I return to my desk, I feel free. I am reminded why I do the work that I do and how much I love it. I am reminded that social events and time with friends and family fuels me rather than exhausts me. 

I am reminded that I run my calendar, my calendar does not run me. 

I am reminded that mindfulness matters. Depending on your work and family life, it may seem bizarre or impossible to set aside time for mindfulness. And believe me, I know what it's like to feel that you're not allowed to get up and move about and breathe freely. But I encourage you to consider what small steps you can take. For me, this space to be still began on my commute to work. I would sit on the train put in my headphones and pray and meditate. That was the only time that I had. One of my former managers used to go for a long walk on her hour lunch break, rain, shine, or snow. She did that faithfully because it was what helped her to maintain a sense of mental peace. 

I ask you: What brings you peace? I encourage you to find whatever space allows you to be still. Even if it's just for a moment, it can change and set the tone for your day. And if you make it a practice, it can help you set the tone for the life that you want to live.

Unapologetically,

Pam

When was the last time you relaxed? Like really, really relaxed? Turned off your phone and notifications, gone out to dinner without distraction, kicked your feet up and watched a movie, and allowed your mind to rest?

I feel like many of us struggle to fully disconnect. That's certainly true for me. During the week, I work really hard. I give of myself in my professional and personal relationships. I'm always coaching, budgeting, planning, organizing, writing, consulting, etc. Sometimes, I forget to eat lunch. There are nights when I lay down and I'm already thinking of to-do lists for the next day. And still, even when I can't sleep, I often feel as if I haven't done enough. 

Can anybody relate?

When I started to notice bags under my eyes, a persistent headache, and upper back pain, I really had to take inventory of my life. I want work that is fulfilling, challenging, and rewarding. And when it is time to close the laptop and leave the office, I want to be present at home. I desire to be present with myself. I crave balance. And I wish the same for all of you. My advice for all of you hard-working, selfless, hyper-achieving, motivated folks out there:

Don't work so much that you forget to live and enjoy the fruits of that labor.

A key component of that enjoyment is relaxation. To relax means to make or become less tense or anxious. How can we become less tense? Less anxious? I have tried many things. Only a few have really stuck with me. 

1. Meditation

I've spoken about this a bit during this series so I won't go too much into it. Meditation and prayer helps to de-clutter my mind. Once again, my favorite meditation app is Stop, Breathe, and Think. It is a free app and I really feel that you won't regret trying it.

2. Phones Off

I know, I know, it's hard. It's so tempting to get lost in the world of twitter, instagram, and facebook. If you struggle to disconnect, I encourage you to set a time frame where you will check those apps. Give yourself 10-15 minutes. Then turn it off! It will do wonders for your mental space.

3. Get Lost

What is something that you can really get lost in? Is it a warm bath? A long walk? Cooking? Movies? A good book and a glass of wine? Whatever that 'something' is for you, set aside time at the end of your week (or whenever you need!) to just get lost. This is a great expression of your love for you. 

I cannot stress enough the importance of self-care. It is tempting to neglect yourself while caring for your family, your job, your relationships, etc. But please remember:

The best way to be fully present with others is to be fully present with yourself. The best way to care for others is to care for yourself.

Relax. You're worth it.

Unapologetically,

Pam

Photo cred: CreateHER Stock

I have been in a space of deep self exploration for the last three years. At first, I was really keen to share most of that experience here on my blog. 2016 was my year of sharing! Then 2017 came, and I reached a point where I needed to become more protective of myself, my space, and the amount of sharing I did. 2017 was my year of building in silence. There were a lot of changes happening: marriage, new job, new home, financial growth, health issues, etc. The year was filled with extreme highs (like marrying the man of my dreams) and extreme lows (receiving an unexpected diagnosis, which I talked about in an earlier post). I didn't want to live those experiences on paper, on a blog or Instagram post. I needed to be present in those moments without the distraction of sharing with the world or crafting the perfect caption.

Coming into 2018, I feel like this is my year manifesting. 2018 will be my year of harvest. And for me, this harvest begins in my mind.

I keep seeing mental harvest affirmations that go a little something like this:

"Whatever you believe in your mind, you manifest in your life."

Is it true that if you think negatively, negative things will come? And how does that work for someone like me, who has experienced extensive trauma? I sat down with a psychologist recently to dig a little deeper into this idea. The psychologist validated my experience. What I learned has been both affirming and frustrating. For people who have experienced trauma, trauma often breeds fear. Fear, in turn, often will breed negativity. Expecting negative things will ultimately deliver negative things. Isn't that crazy?

So, here's the frustrating part: Negativity will come. You cannot control the negative emotions as they are just a part of being human. What you can control is your response. This is both affirming and frustrating. It is exceedingly difficult to validate your negative emotions and respond to them with personal affirmation. And yet, that is exactly what I've been fighting to do in 2018. To have a positive mental harvest that manifests in my real life.

I don't have all of the answers and I'm on the journey myself. But here are a few tips I've picked up that are helping me to manifest and harvest in 2018:

Meditate | Speak Life | Seek Help | Believe

Meditate:

I took up meditation after attending a class in 2016. Since then, my desire has been to meditate everyday. Realistically, I fall short of this. But, when I do meditate, it helps to calm my mind. I find that when I meditate, I also pray better. Because my head is less cluttered. When I practice consistently, I feel much more connected to my inner self, which produces positive and trusting energy. My favorite app to practice meditation is Stop, Breathe, and Think. They have lots of free options for meditation. Some are short, some are long so you can find meditations that fit your schedule and lifestyle.

Speak Life:

This one is a little bit harder for me. As someone who is still healing from trauma, it is sometimes difficult to believe that God intends good things for me. But She does. I know She does. I struggle to see it sometimes though. When I am afraid is when it is most important for me to speak life into myself. My fear that tells me, "What if I'm not worthy? What if that company doesn't want to work with you? What if that gig doesn't work out?" I validate where those feelings come from. Then I say something simple like, "I am worthy. I am able. I deserve good things." That's it.

Seek Help:

Seriously. Get a good therapist. If you're worried about cost (totally valid, as a lot of insurances don't cover mental health), I suggest looking for a counseling center. Many counseling centers offer sliding scale payments, based on your income. Most private practitioners in my experience can't offer a sliding scale, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't at least ask if you find someone that you want to work with. Whatever you do, wherever you are, if you need help, I encourage you to seek it out. Sometimes taking the first step of talking to a counselor is all you need to get the ball rolling.

Believe:

Lastly, you have to believe. I have been mediating for almost two years now, along with prayer. I work really hard to speak life, but sometimes I fall short. I have a wonderful therapist, so I'm seeking help. But I struggle so much when it comes to simply believing. Believing that the meditation, speaking life, and therapy will come to fruition. Believing that God really does intend good things for my life. Believing that good things will, indeed, come. But belief is necessary. It is necessary for me to believe that the universe is on my side and that a good harvest will come from the work I've put in over the years.

Thank you for reading ♥

Unapologetically,

Pam