Find Your Peace

self care

In the midst of all of the sexual assault news, I wanted to share a message of hope and peace today...

But those words didn't come to mind. 

As a survivor, I am sickened by what I have seen and heard. I re-live my experience over and over in an attempt to explain why women should be believed. And I am tired.

In times like these, when we are confronted with the worst parts of our own humanity, it's okay to step away. Log off social media. Go to your quiet place. And find rest and peace.

To all of my fellow survivors, I am sending you Love, Light, and Peace today and always.

Unapologetically,
Pam

Saying No

self care


Have you ever had to say 'no' to someone you love?

A few weeks ago, a loved one asked me to go to an event. There were a few major hurdles to jump to get there:

1.   The event was in a neighborhood that was inconvenient for me.
2.   The event started at 10 p.m.
3.   This was a Wednesday night.
4.   Uber/Lyft is very expensive getting in and out of that neighborhood.
5.   Which means I would be on the train well after midnight.

I said no.

I wanted to be there to support my loved one. But, on a Wednesday night, at 10 p.m., in a strange neighborhood, on the train, with an 8 a.m. meeting the next morning, NO was the right way to go. Thankfully, they were totally understanding and we got together at another time that made sense for both of us. Nevertheless, when I said no, I was nervous about disappointing them.

For those of us who are highly relational people, sometimes saying no is hard. And it's especially difficult to set boundaries with people that we love. But I'm learning that the more I stay true to my boundaries, the deeper connections I've been able to build. I can say no when something doesn't work for me. And I can respect when other people need to say no because something doesn't work for them.

Saying no has led to healthier relationships. 

Who would've thought??

5 years ago, I wouldn't have said no. I was still struggling to set boundaries. This resulted in a lot of unhealthy relationships, personally and professionally. 

Now, I am learning to love the word no 
just as much as I love the word yes. 

Because those words are clear and concrete. I encourage you to say no when you need to. I encourage you to say yes when you need to. I encourage you to find balance in both. Our no is just as good as our yes. And we are worthy of healthy relationships and healthy boundaries.

Unapologetically,
Pam

Mindfulness Matters

self care

There are days when the noise seems so loud that my mind can't seem to think or function the way that it normally does. There's so much clutter: to-do lists, meetings, gigs, and social events. It's like I can't keep up.

These are typically the times when we most feel that we don't have time to breathe and to take care of ourselves. But in my own life, I have discovered that this is the most important time for me to practice self-care. 

Recently one morning, for example, as I began to dive into my calendar, I immediately felt overwhelmed and behind. In my younger days, I would just sink deep into those feelings and struggle to get things accomplished. As I have grown and become more intentional about my mindfulness practices, I am better able to recognize the emotions and respond proactively. On this day, instead of succumbing to that overwhelming feeling and allowing it to control my mental space which typically leads to me moving about frantically, I scheduled in time for meditation. I took myself away from my desk, I went for a short walk to get my blood flowing. I found a quiet space and I meditated. Every time I do this, no matter how frantic life is moving around me, my world stands still for just a moment. And when I return to my desk, I feel free. I am reminded why I do the work that I do and how much I love it. I am reminded that social events and time with friends and family fuels me rather than exhausts me. 

I am reminded that I run my calendar, my calendar does not run me. 

I am reminded that I can say no or yes, whatever is necessary for my self sustainability.

I am reminded that mindfulness matters. Depending on your work and family life, it may seem bizarre or impossible to set aside time for mindfulness. And believe me, I know what it's like to feel that you're not allowed to get up and move about and breathe freely. But I encourage you to consider what small steps you can take. For me, this space to be still began on my commute to work. I would sit on the train put in my headphones and pray and meditate. That was the only time that I had. One of my former managers used to go for a long walk on her hour lunch break, rain, shine, or snow. She did that faithfully because it was what helped her to maintain a sense of mental peace. 

I ask you: What brings you peace? I encourage you to find whatever space allows you to be still. Even if it's just for a moment, it can change and set the tone for your day. And if you make it a practice, it can help you set the tone for the life that you want to live.

Unapologetically,
Pam
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