Red Hair, Don't Care
I change my hair often, yall know that. But this was probably my favorite hair change this year.




Mentee Graduation
My first group of mentees from my fellowship on campus graduated. I cried, laughed, & toasted their achievements. I'm so proud of them!




Miami
Miami won the championship. No further explanation needed. #WhoMad? #TeamHEAT




Photo Shoots
This was the year of photo shoots. These are some of my favorite shots:

 








Friends Visiting
I was so excited to see some familiar faces from home this year. Catrina, Gavin, & Lacey, thank you so much for making my heart smile :)






Encounters & Crossings
This has been my favorite blog post to date. It really was a reflective moment into my life. I did some serious soul-searching. I feel like I traveled a journey from the little girl on the left to that grown woman on the right to understand why I have found myself in the position I'm in today. The best part is that Natalie Zemon Davis (who this was inspired by) actually read my post! She sent me an email & told me that she thought my writing was beautiful. I was absolutely floored. It was such an honor.




HGSA
I did not expect to be nominated for Vice President, let alone elected. But, I've had a blast. I've gotten close to so many people in my program because of the History Graduate Student Association.

DC! 

This was my first time on a plane. EVER. It was absolutely exhilarating! I had such an awesome time with the Acosta's. Here are some of my favorite photos from that trip. Thanks Rachel (and baby Naomi!) for showing me around the city & hosting me. Love you so much!








Key & Peele
So...yall already know how much I absolutely adore this show. This year, I did a blog post in honor of them, we participated in their fan remix competition (see the video here), and I even dressed as one of their characters for Halloween. But the real honor has been getting to know them. They really are great guys. I've gotten particularly close to Keegan. We talk pretty often on Twitter and I got the chance to meet him in December. He's just an all-around great person. We had deep conversations, laughed a lot, and he gives some of the best hugs in the world. He also gave me some awesome book suggestions to help me focus on finishing my work. Of course, I'd be the one to meet Keegan & get homework. Go figure. Lol.

Musicals
A high school dream finally became reality this year. I got to see WICKED and I cried during Defying Gravity. It was amazing. I also saw The Book of Mormon which totally rocked my socks off!

Images & Perceptions
Okay...so, this was an absolutely breathtaking experience. I learned about this diversity conference called "Images & Perceptions" via Facebook and it sounded awesome. I contacted the director, Siham, and asked if she needed volunteers and she seemed excited to have me. 

I had no idea what to expect when I showed up that Friday. I was nervous. I hoped they would like me. I had no idea that by the end of that day, I would have a new family. They welcomed me with open arms. They encouraged me & inspired me. We had awesome conversations, so many laughs, delicious meals. In addition to that, I learned so much about cultures that really aren't prevalent in Arkansas where I grew up. There were so many moments that night that weren't captured on camera (although the photos below are awesome!)...and really, they probably never could be captured. Instead, there was a moment when we were sitting around Saira's sister's living room, cozily chatting & laughing out loud on the various couches & chairs, sipping warm coffee, relaxing after a long, yet wonderful day...I remember looking around & then closing my eyes for a second. I wanted to freeze that moment in time. Take a mental snapshot of the beauty that surrounded me. Siham, Saira, Noha, Liz, Doris, Hassane, Bill, Keegan, Trish, Alex, Linda...thank you. Also, special thanks to Henna, JoAnn, Mark & everyone who hosted us with grace & compassion. You may or may not know my current situation, but you loved me through a very rough patch. I truly love you all so much. I'm glad to have family in Detroit now :)  

Despite the trials of 2013, there are many joys to celebrate, as evidenced here. 

It's amazing to me how they evaluate different levels of blackness in just 48 seconds. This is what makes their comedy so awesome. It goes beyond just being humorous; it actually contemplates societal issues and normative behaviors (in a sometimes exaggerated way lol). Which brings me to the point of this blog post: levels of blackness.

On their show, they've mentioned they often have to "adjust their level of blackness" depending on who they're with. One of my favorite times they've talked about this is in this interview, which I enjoy because the interviewer brings out the humor of this idea when he asks them "what level of black" they were in that moment. Keegan & Jordan of course go on to make it even more hilarious. But, upon reading the comments from that interview, it appeared to me that some viewers were attributing the "adjustment" to them being biracial. And after chatting with some of my colleagues about the show, it got me to thinking..."adjusting your level of blackness" is a real sociological phenomenon.

I think Keegan & Jordan are absolutely right. When you are a minority, in order to penetrate the dominant culture, I feel that it's a constant game of adjusting how "ethnic" you are in any given moment. And in our society, you have to participate in mainstream culture. Whether we like it or not, even if you're protesting against it or attempting some form of pluralism or assimilation, you're still engaging in a central dialogue. And through that engagement, you are a participant.

I've had experience with this myself, as I mentioned, through simple, non-racialized conversations with my colleagues. For example, I remember talking with one of them (who happens to be named A-Aron...if you got the joke, you are my friend lol) a couple of weeks ago and saying, "I'm really glad we're closer now so I can show you my black side." Now, as you all know, I study French history. I'm one of very few African Americans who do so. Because of that, I'm keenly aware of my blackness when I'm with other Europeanists or historians in general. I addressed this in another post. But when I said this, A-Aron replied, "Really? So...what 'Pam' have you been hiding?" That question really struck me. It's not that I've been hiding per se. Instead, I would posit that in my experience, I have been seen as the example for my race in many instances where I've been the only black person in the room at a history conference, in a class, in a restaurant, or whatever. When it becomes painfully obvious that you are "different," you feel the weight of representation. You are put on display as an exhibit that encompasses the entire African American race. And in those situations, I have felt the need to be overly articulate, overly graceful, overly respectful. (Side note: I actually had a guy say to me one time, "You're great...if all black people were like you, I'd love 'em a lot more." Needless to say, me and that guy don't talk anymore.)

Also, I must say that I don't believe it stops at "blackness." I think it applies to all minorities. That title in and of itself implies a sort of "apart-ness," which makes you cognizant of the fact that you are an "other." And if you are an "other," then there must be some sort of authority that lies at the opposite end of the spectrum. Hence, the majority, the dominant culture. And that culture often may objectify or exoticize your "other-ness."

Now, I'm not arguing that we should leave it at that or accept "othering." That's ridiculous. But I am saying that Key & Peele are making a very valid point about what it means to be a minority in America. Adjusting your level of ethnicity is an actuality for people who are on the periphery of dominance.

I'll stop there because I don't want to make this post too much longer, but please share your thoughts. If you want to see some more really popular Key & Peele sketches, I'd recommend the substitute teacher, Obama's anger translator, or one of my personal favorites, this ultimate fighting match promo.

I'd like to leave you with one of my all-time favorite Key & Peele sketches. This has nothing to do with race, but it's just one of those clips that makes me cry from laughing so hard lol. Enjoy!



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I'm sure there are plenty of sociological studies that discuss "othering" but, since I'm a historian, I don't know those sources lol. The works that I would recommend if you're interested in this historiography would be Edward Said's "Orientalism" or Tim Mitchell's "Colonising Egypt." The former will most likely be the better option for you because it takes more of a sociological approach whereas with Mitchell, outside of the first chapter, you may get lost if you have no background in African history. You've been warned lol.

I love my job very much. As most of you know, I work for a church here in Chicago. A wonderful, life-giving, open & affirming, loving church called Saint Pauls United Church of Christ. Unfortunately, this wonderful place has often been taken advantage of. We've had things stolen, people have been accosted for money...sad, disturbing things have happened. And today was one of those days.

Around 11:45, the doorbell rang and I pressed the button to let the person inside. Here, we have an open door policy. Generally that's a good thing. Sometimes it's not. Today it was the latter.

A young rather disheveled looking gentleman came up to the office and preceded to tell me that someone here at the church had stolen his bag. Since I knew the person he thought stole it, I disregarded the story internally. He went on to ask if I had a bag I could give him, a backpack or a carrier bag in particular. I apologized to the young man, but told him that we don't have any bags here (which is true). He thanked me and walked out of the office. I (wrongfully) assumed he left the building. Instead, he went downstairs and stole one of my co-workers backpacks, with all of his identification, his passport, his cds, and radio.

My heart was broken when my co-worker realized that his things were gone. On one hand, I felt so bad because this particular co-worker is from Mexico and would have to get in contact with the Mexican consulate to get new identification and passport, which I'm sure is a pain. But even more than that, I was so hurt that people take advantage of wonderful, compassionate places such as this. I won't go through the long list of thefts that we have had in the last year. Just know there are many things missing. But, yet, our hearts are still open and our doors are as well.

"Why? Why do people do bad things? And why do we have to be concerned with who we open the door for? It sucks that we have to care who's coming in the door at our church, but we do." In this childlike way, I asked our senior pastor and one of our associate pastors these questions after we realized a theft had taken place. 

Right then and there, the two of them became my spiritual counselors for a moment. And the best thing they said to me was that we needed moments like this, for things like this to happen, to remind us why we need Jesus. And also to be confronted with our own sinfulness. Rather than disassociate myself with the person who robbed us and label him as one of the "people who suck," I should look at him as a brother. After all, we, meaning all of mankind, are born into the same sin. I can see a reflection of myself in the desperate actions of this young man. While I may not literally behave the same way as him, I can certainly see the figurative ways in which I am no greater and no less than he.

But also our senior pastor, Pastor Matt, reminded me that in realizing we need Jesus, we have to accept that we can't be Jesus. While our doors are open figuratively, we may have to change our literal policy. We may have to screen who comes through our doors when a young woman finds herself alone in the office with a thief, as I did today. And it sucks. It sucks that I need to be cautious, wary of who comes into the building. It feels un-Christian to screen who comes through the door. Yet we have to. We have to because the world, ourselves included, needs Jesus. In this way, I was confronted with my own humanity today. With all of its joys and sins, sorrows and happiness. 

I apologize if this post seems incoherent. I just needed to get my thoughts out in an honest, open way. I titled this post "Loving People Who Suck" but I hope from my words, you can gather that I really mean "Loving Ourselves." 

I'll end with a quote from one of our pastors. We had a rummage sale here at the church recently. After the sale, we keep the rummage open for folks experiencing homelessness to shop for free. Pastor Matt had a great moment with a guy who was standing in line. I love this story. I hope it inspires you: